Happy: day 6

While thinking about being happy, I had to think about why I’m not someone that people would refer to as “a happy person.” I thought of 2 reasons:

1. I have known some specific people who have been “happy,” and they have greatly annoyed me. The reason they annoyed me wasn’t because of their happiness, it was because of their constant smiles. When you’re having a bad day, the last thing you want to see is other people looking like they’re on top of the world. And I understand that those people have bad days too, and they have just learned to smile through it. But it sometimes seems that people who are constantly smiling have no idea how to react when someone brings up a serious topic. One particular person I recall from college had a terribly awkward look on her face when she realized that the conversation she was listening to had turned to a very serious and depressing topic. First, her smile drooped, but didn’t disappear, then she looked around to see if anyone noticed that she was still smiling, then she put her head down to properly arrange her face and to appear solemn. Basically, by the time she had arranged the right expression, she looked like an idiot.
   
2. I come from a line of stoic Germans, on both sides of my family. While my parents and even grandparents have a good (but still conservative) sense of humor, I don’t think it goes further back than that. I come from family who was dirt poor in Germany, so they migrated to Russia. They were dirt poor there, so they came to America, where they got on their feet just in time to barely survive the Depression. No wonder humor wasn’t a top priority to pass down to children.

As far as the first point, I’m mostly just afraid of looking like an idiot. People who are often smiling appear to not have many thoughts; I pride myself on actually having thoughts. I think the trick there is to consider a current co-worker who I think of as a very happy person. But she is also thoughtful and intelligent, and takes important things seriously when she needs to. She gets stressed out and worried, and I’ve even seen her cry. But she’s almost always ready to have some fun. And no matter what she’s dealing with, she’s at least got an encouraging smile to offer. Whatever that balance is between happy and serious, she’s found it.

And for the second point: a few years ago, my mom’s family was all together. One of my cousins (whom I don’t see often) commented that I was always smiling. I was actually insulted. Maybe that’s just what’s to be expected when you get together with the stoic Germans. I’m going to see that family again in a few weeks; will I be “happy” then and okay with “always smiling?” After 2 weeks of this exercise, I guess we’ll see.