Patience: day 21

I am the most impatient person in the world and I haven't got a clue how to fix it and it's driving me bonkers! What makes me even crazier is that I'm now paying attention to it and noticing every time I fail, but not quite in time to change. Today at work, I caught myself right after losing it with a kid (I didn't yell, but I upset him a little), and I immediately thought of what I should say to him. But I was in the middle of leading an activity and had to wait till it was done. But by then I'd totally forgotten and didn't remember till I was on my way home. I may have ruined that kid's whole day.

Then, tonight, I got impatient with my baby for not taking a nap when she was tired and cranky. But not because I wanted her to get her rest. No, I just wanted to get some things done.

I got impatient with myself for thinking I can do things that I can't. Like making up quilt patterns or showing up for knitting classes. And these are my hobbies; they should make me happy!



And so, for the remaining 10 days of the Patience Month, I am going to attempt to return to my previous un-self-aware state where I was often impatient and frustrated, but I didn't always know it.

Patience: day 15

Well, the reason I haven't had much to say on this topic yet is that the only thing I've learned in the last two weeks is that I really do have very little patience. I guess I knew that already. What I've really noticed is that when I lose my patience, it isn't usually in anger (although it's come close with some of those kids at work), it's usually frustration. And I find that I'm often frustrated, even when I don't realize I've been impatient. But I think, for me at least, the two are almost always connected.

I find it interesting that I added the term "flexible" to the topic of Patience, for two reasons. First, I find myself getting impatient with some of my staff for not being flexible. That doesn't sound right, does it? I think I've been dealing pretty well with them; keeping a positive face as they're complaining about things that are entirely within their control to change.

Secondly, and more significantly, I am now in a place to be flexible at home. We had a plan to make a huge dent in the project of finishing the basement during the month of July. All that got done is the list of what needs to be purchased. And since Hubby is a week away from the worst session of online school yet, I'm being asked to be flexible and let the whole thing go for two more months. Ironic that it's happening while I'm working on being patient.

But, in both of these situations, looking and sounding positive, and appearing to be okay with everything doesn't actually make me patient. So how do I actually become patient? If I keep faking it, will it suddenly start to be real (kind of like the smiling thing that didn't work)?

On a topic to make myself feel a little better about this, I have my baby. She's had a terrible cough for two months, and got an ear infection last weekend. While I'm impatient and frustrated with the dr for not helping with the cough when I've asked, I have not gotten impatient with my daughter. She's been sleeping very badly, and thus, so have I. And my lack of sleep sometimes makes me more impatient at work, but I have not taken it out on my baby, even when I had to sleep propped up on the couch to hold her in an upright position all night last night. Is that reason enough to feel successful about this topic?

Patience: day 1

This is the first month that I’ve been sort of dreading. And the only reason it’s “sort of” is that I haven’t been thinking about it. I work with kids, and have for over 10 years. You’d think I would have achieved Patience in order to stick with this field. But here’s my confession: Over a year ago, when I applied for the management position I now have, it was to get away from the kids. Now, I love walking into a room and talking with some kinds, and then leaving. And the way our program is set up is perfect. It gives me time and energy to jump in with kid issues when I’m needed. Somehow, I rarely lose my patience in those situations.

At home, my baby is now 6½ months old. When I worked in the infant room at a daycare, this was my favorite age. But the daycare was baby-proofed. And I was paid to sit on the floor and play. I did have things to get done, but the kids always came first. As a working mom, I find myself getting impatient for naptime. I love playing with my baby; she’s got all the qualities I love about 6-month-olds: she knows me, her personality is quickly emerging, she laughs out loud, and I often see Learning happening in her eyes. But I still have to keep my house clean.

Yesterday, while she slept, I savored some potato chips and knit a little while watching TV. It wasn’t till she was awake and unhappy about being left alone that I remembered I had dishes to put away. When he got home, my hubby reminded me that it’s good to sit for 5 min, and that at least she gave me that much time. That’s true, but still….

So now, I’m embarking on the quest to figure out how to become more patient. I have no idea where to start; any suggestions?

Hope: day 30

I feel like I've already had my final say on this topic. I guess the update for the end of the Hope month is that I'm still confident in my conclusion. We got a thing in the mail about donating to Operation Smile this week. Rather than feel guilty for not giving, or irritated that they were bugging us, I actually felt thankful for the Hope that this organization is putting into the world.

On Sunday morning, as we were channel surfing, a show about Third World hunger came on. My husband groaned and changed the channel. While I didn't really feel like watching the show either, I wasn't exasperated by the fact that a charity organization was taking over the airwaves for an hour, trying to make people feel guilty in their beautiful American homes with full refrigerators. I don't like the tactics some charities use to get money, but that doesn't change the Hope they use that money for.


I've been knitting for about five years. My aunt taught me how. She passed away over two years ago. She fought with breast cancer for several years, and when cancer returned the third time, it was in her liver and there was very little to be done. She was a beautiful human being, and so many people knew it that there were 500 at her funeral. Although I didn't have a lot of contact with her beyond the yearly family gatherings, I miss her pretty often.

I had a crazy idea this weekend. I've made 2 felted purses, several scarves, 1 successful baby sweater, and some other random stuff. I love it. I think it would be fun to sell it. We went to two art fairs this summer, and I didn't see any booths with knits. Maybe that means there's no market for them; or maybe it means that whomever fills that spot would sell tons of stuff. Who knows? But this weekend, I started looking stuff up online about selling at art fairs. Obviously, this would be a lot of work, and I'd have to make a ton of stuff to start with. It may be years before I have the inventory to actually do this. But I was just letting my imagination go, and thinking up logos and business names. I would like my aunt's name involved. Also, since I would be doing this more for fun than for major huge prophets, I think it would be very cool to start with the plan of giving a percentage of the prophet to cancer research.

This is years away, if it's going to happen at all. But, surprisingly, it fulfills both of my original definitions of Hope: Hope for the future -- having a plan and following through to make it happen, or just letting the imagination go with brilliant (though sometimes totally unrealistic) plans; and doing something that puts Hope into the world. So, although I haven't actually done anything over the last month, I feel like I've learned a lot and have changed my thinking on one pretty big topic. So, I think the Hope month has been very successful!