Patience: day 15

Well, the reason I haven't had much to say on this topic yet is that the only thing I've learned in the last two weeks is that I really do have very little patience. I guess I knew that already. What I've really noticed is that when I lose my patience, it isn't usually in anger (although it's come close with some of those kids at work), it's usually frustration. And I find that I'm often frustrated, even when I don't realize I've been impatient. But I think, for me at least, the two are almost always connected.

I find it interesting that I added the term "flexible" to the topic of Patience, for two reasons. First, I find myself getting impatient with some of my staff for not being flexible. That doesn't sound right, does it? I think I've been dealing pretty well with them; keeping a positive face as they're complaining about things that are entirely within their control to change.

Secondly, and more significantly, I am now in a place to be flexible at home. We had a plan to make a huge dent in the project of finishing the basement during the month of July. All that got done is the list of what needs to be purchased. And since Hubby is a week away from the worst session of online school yet, I'm being asked to be flexible and let the whole thing go for two more months. Ironic that it's happening while I'm working on being patient.

But, in both of these situations, looking and sounding positive, and appearing to be okay with everything doesn't actually make me patient. So how do I actually become patient? If I keep faking it, will it suddenly start to be real (kind of like the smiling thing that didn't work)?

On a topic to make myself feel a little better about this, I have my baby. She's had a terrible cough for two months, and got an ear infection last weekend. While I'm impatient and frustrated with the dr for not helping with the cough when I've asked, I have not gotten impatient with my daughter. She's been sleeping very badly, and thus, so have I. And my lack of sleep sometimes makes me more impatient at work, but I have not taken it out on my baby, even when I had to sleep propped up on the couch to hold her in an upright position all night last night. Is that reason enough to feel successful about this topic?